Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Intuition of the Absolute

by Chris Mcals

“Who is this arising like the dawn, fair as the moon, resplendent as the sun, terrible as an army with banners? – Song of Songs, 3:6/6:10

The communication of God’s tremendous Power is like a Divine Thunder that shakes me to the core, always catching me suddenly and by surprise. 

God is communicating His Power directly to my soul, and this mysterious knowledge draws me to Him like a moth to fire. It's an irresistible, trance-like experience that completely captivates my heart and soul and gives me an intuition of the Absolute. 

My response is always the same: every time it happens not only do I have an intuition of the Absolute, but I also feel infinitesimally small, and then I disappear into nothingness. 

Even though I disappear in the very instant in which God's Divine Thunder overwhelms my soul, my spirit remains aware of God's overwhelming Presence, and of the reality that He commands the whole Universe.

All I know is that if I could, my soul would choose to remain forever lost in God's tremendous, thunderous Presence, and I suffer and feel consumed inside, because I see that my spirit is totally powerless to soar to Him. 

Who could not succumb to the ardent desire to be forever united with this Absolute Entity in Whom there is no contradiction between tremendous, overwhelming Power and tender, all-consuming Love? No one could, and neither can I.

God's continuous visits always open me to an intuition of the Absolute that overwhelms my soul, causing me to gasp in wonderment, as one who is being startled by a sudden, unexpected event, and it's clear to me that I'm falling madly in love with God. 

God's Spirit of Love is very easily taking possession of my soul, and I find it impossible to resist Him, nor do I want to, therefore now that my soul is conquered and painfully wounded, I find myself at the mercy of His Love for my happiness. My life would never be the same without Him, and so with Jeremiah I too can say, "You dazed me, Lord, and I let myself be dazed," because He has created a dependence in me that I don't wish to be freed of. 

I suffer indescribable anguish when God hides from me, and whenever that happens I join St. John of the Cross' tearful cry, "Where have you hidden, Beloved, and left me moaning? You fled like the stag after wounding me; I went out calling you, but you were gone." No anguish on earth can compare to the suffering of a soul who, having fallen in love with God, has been deprived of His Presence. 

Burning longing for God is like the kind of intoxication that only the obsession of love can bring about, and my soul is unwilling to be freed from it, regardless of the pain it brings, because it's entranced and captivated by it.  

My longings for God are sweetly consuming my soul to the extent that my whole mind is constantly fixed on Him. I seek Him all the time and in all things. Everything I see and everything I hear speaks to me of my Beloved God, and what I feel is a love so powerful that I yearn for the Object of my love with all my energy. 

Since I clearly see that I can't go to God by my own efforts, although He can come to me whenever He wills, I dissolve in tears. I want nothing more than He should never leave me, and when He hides from me I miss Him terribly, and I weep profusely for Him. Almost every night I fall asleep waiting for Him to return, on a pillow that is often soaked with tears.

When you love someone your desire is for union. It's the same with God, only love for God is a pure love that has nothing to do with the natural senses, and the desire for union is felt as a yearning to merge into His Presence, which is pure Light. At least that's how it is with me. 

The desire to merge with my Beloved Father takes all other preoccupations from me, regardless of the fact that my life is difficult at the surface. Nothing matters, because nothing can enter the space that belongs to God alone. In this sacred space, which is in the center of my being, there is a very real Living Fire burning with great intensity, causing me to feel intense pain and equally intense delight at once, and although this Fire may seem to be a source of torture, I can't help wishing to be never freed from it.

When God presents Himself as Absolute Power, my mind filters the information that is being provided to my soul as the vision of a sky full of fast advancing billowing clouds in which there is the energy of thousands of tornadoes, thunders, lightenings and hurricanes combined, and when my mind can no longer contain the understanding of this tremendous power, it becomes overwhelmed and then it succumbs into nothingness. 

It's like "switching gears", and I fall into an intuition of the Absolute that is so overpowering that even the new gear is not sufficient to hold what is being communicated to my soul, and what happens next is that "I" become infinitesimally small, until I simply disappear. 

All I know is that I can't help desiring the experience of the Presence of God's tremendous Power to come to me often, which it does, because every time I experience it, I emerge from it madly in love with God, and my heart yearns for God to the point of being consumed.

That's why I can say that I love God with all my heart. I need God's Love like a baby needs his mother's love. The great Hindu holy man, Sri Ramakrishna used to say, "As all of us are God’s children; the mother like God, attends first to the crying baby." God hastens to comfort  the broken hearted that longs for Him with tears, just as a mother comforts her crying child who wants her by his side. If only we could all cry for God, what a different world this would be! 

Holy is the Lord God Almighty - Chris Tomlin

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